mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize