He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
