i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
