ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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