he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
