I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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