Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
