Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
