direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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