I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
