I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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