You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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