He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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