Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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