is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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