Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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