I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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