I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
sarcasm needs its own font
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
