i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
