Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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