this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
