I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
