i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
