if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
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i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
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You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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