How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
