Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
