I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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