I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
