Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
