Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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