there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
