U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
