Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
