I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
