my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
