He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
