I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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