Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
