I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I would fuck him just for his dog
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
