For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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