Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
