there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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