Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
