i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
