We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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