I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
