you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
