I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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