K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
