there was a trapeze. enough said
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
