i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
