I skipped work to stalk him.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
