I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just had sex on a roof
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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