did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
