Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You are the jesus of drinking
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
