He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
