I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
