Banned from zoo.
Again?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
