What a fucking waste of an outfit
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
