I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
