I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
