Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just want nice things and good sex
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
