I want to stick my p in your. b.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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