I bet he comes in French.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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