I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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