every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
