You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
