why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
