It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
