Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
