i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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