i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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