I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
