NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
