Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
