What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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