Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
