I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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