Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Randomize
