im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize