my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
