Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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