i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
