are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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